


The Goodbye We Never Said

by Counterattack



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Chinalinecentric, M/M, OT12 - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-11-03 14:35:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10969245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Counterattack/pseuds/Counterattack
Summary: Yixing, Luhan, Yifan and Zitao were all invited to participate in a new Chinese game show. This is the first time all four of them appeared on the same stage after what happened with EXO. Though none of them wanted to admit it, emotions were running high because they knew this might be their only opportunity to share everything they’ve held back.One chance to apologize and forgive, confess and acknowledge.And maybe…just maybe…they’d even get to properly say goodbye.





	1. Episode 00

Time was becoming slippery and before he knew it, another day had passed. The warm sunshine that had held throughout the day was dwindling, reluctant as it retreated behind grey clouds to make room for the night. Yixing sighed, watching his breath escape in a puff of white towards the sky. He was hungry, cold and exhausted, much like he was the first time he wandered these streets. Back then, he was only a child, trailing obediently behind his parents as his eyes danced from one side of the unfamiliar concrete to the other.

 

Now, he was the one leading the way.

 

His people followed him:  Assistants mumbling quietly among themselves regarding his schedule for the next two weeks, bodyguard blocking off a crowd of overenthusiastic fans and makeup artist sweeping a final layer of powder across his increasingly prominent cheek bones.

 

They’ve once again made the mistake of scheduling too tight. A plane delay ate up his dinner and touch up time. The makeup artist was in distress as she had no choice but to scramble and get Yixing ready in the car. It had been a bumpy ride and they both knew her work was not up to the usual standard. Perhaps the powder would hide her mistakes but more likely, Yixing’s tiredness would just show again on camera and make his fans worried.

 

Many idols shouted ‘I love you’ to their fans and blew kisses with twinkling eyes but it was suspected only a few believed in the words they spoke. After all, love was an emotion too precious to hand off to just anybody. At least, that was what Yixing was told. Still, while he could not claim to love his fans with the same searing intensity as they loved him, he did think of them as highly important. Without them, he would be a nobody playing his guitar on the streets. The melodies that invaded his dreams every night would never be noted down nor would they be played for everyone’s ears. So yes, for giving him the opportunity to share himself with them, he sincerely valued and appreciated his fans. That was why they deserved nothing but the best from him.

 

Lately, he had been failing in giving them that. His control was slipping and his body silently protested against his determination every day. Between EXO and his career in China, he was working himself to the bones. It was to the point he could no longer hide it and his fans began sending him concerned letters, asking him to rest. However, though Yixing was touched by their kindness, he knew he could not afford a break. The world wouldn’t wait for him and he had to keep marching forward no matter what. That was what he promised himself stepping into S.M. Entertainment.

 

A few interviews ago Yixing had joked about dying on the dance floor but now thinking about it, fate just might choose to be cruel and prove him right one day. Let’s not hope it won’t be any time soon.

 

This new game show felt like a mixture of a few popular ones from the past. The director had money, reputation and already proved his success with his other works.  When Yixing received the invitation, he knew there was no way he could let the opportunity pass. A few phone calls were exchanged between the show director and Yixing’s manager. The conversations had not been long due to the busy schedules of both parties but Yixing was able to gather a few pieces of information. Firstly, the show will have seven celebrities, five males and two females. All of them would be young, fresh and relatively popular already to appeal to the juvenile audience the show was aiming for. Yixing was told to prepare himself as there will be some familiar faces for him.

 

Prepare himself, _huh_?

 

Yixing’s lips curved in a smile that was anything but happy. It would appear that the game has begun and he was already falling behind.

 

Technically speaking, he knew most of the young Chinese celebrities in the circle so all of them should be considered familiar faces. Yet, judging by the director’s wording and that ever curious ‘prepare yourself’ part, Yixing was clearly expected to be surprised by whoever the guest was.

 

A part of him didn’t want to guess because that would be the only way to give the director that genuine shock the man no doubt desired. After all, Yixing really wasn’t the best actor and the only time he could truly convince anyone that he was astonished was when he actually was. Yet, despite of his efforts, a name still appeared in his mind, drifting lazily across his thoughts like a soft, soothing feather.

 

Luhan . It had to be him – the person with a perfectly familiar face yet whose presence on the show would surprise him. The director sure was a risk taker, putting the two of them together on the same stage. Yixing just hoped he was prepared for all of the controversies because while he was certain many would be overjoyed to see their reunion, no less others would be ready to trash them with the ugliest words available to men.

 

People were always watching – that’s something those trying to survive in this trialing industry should never forget. Eyes, ears and cameras followed an idol’s every move, waiting for the opportunity to make or destroy him. Youth Day Gala was aired on CCTV a few months ago and two days after its initial showing, Yixing received a text message from Sehun. He recalled being pleasantly surprised to hear from Sehun because the youngest EXO member was also one of the only ones he kept in touch with even when he was engaged in his own activities in China. They were close – closer than what most people thought because unlike some of the others, Sehun smiled at Yixing regardless of whether or not the camera was on.

 

This text message was all writing – no emoticons, no stickers and no pictures – which was against the maknae’s usual style:

 

_Hyung, are you asleep? Can I call you?_

 

It was two in the morning in China but since Yixing was awake and this seemed serious, he replied with ‘okay’. Their phone call lasted longer than usual as Sehun rambled on about his day and EXO’s activities. Yixing let him talk and remained a good listener the entire time, but he did wonder where this conversation was going. Clearly, Sehun had a reason for calling and he had been dancing around the real issue for over twenty minutes. When they were drifting close to that dangerous 2:30 A.M. mark and dreamland was sinking its fangs into prey Xing’s neck, Sehun finally found his courage.

 

“I heard you were on a show with Luhan hyung.” Poor maknae was trying his best to make the conversation transition naturally to this point, but sadly, he failed. “They were talking about it earlier.”

 

Yixing’s desire to sleep dispersed.  

 

“Who was talking about it?”

 

“Everyone,” Sehun replied. “You’ll get a call later. Maybe tomorrow.”

 

The conversation ceased for a moment as Yixing ran various situations in his head, imagining the how the phone call Sehun described would go. His chest felt heavier, hands felt clammier as he gripped the phone harder and harder. A phone call should not be something to dread. A few exchanged words and laughs with his former best friend should be no ground for trepidation. But with idols, everything was different. He needed to figure out what to say back and how to word everything so the repercussions of his past decision could be minimized as much as possible.

 

“Hyung?” His knuckles had turned white by the time Sehun’s voice pulled him back to reality. Yixing made himself loosen his fingers slightly and let out a slow breath to calm himself. Quietly too, so Sehun on the other side wouldn’t hear.

 

“Yeah, I am here.”

 

“I just…” The other struggled for a second before continuing. “How was he?”

 

There was no need for him to reconfirm who the ‘he’ was referring to. “He is doing well. Healthy, glowing and energetic. Typical deer, you know.”

 

“Oh good.” Sehun’s voice on the other side lifted in cheeriness. “Well, I will let you sleep now. Good night, hyung. I’ll message you again!”

 

With that, their chat concluded and Yixing fell back against his pillow. His mind was still a mess due to the new information he received but the happiness laced in Sehun’s voice before he rang off gave him some comfort. At least Sehun would have a good night's sleep. At least Sehun was still young and simple enough to become joyous from a few words of reassurance. At least Sehun still dared to ask the questions he had on his heart.

 

At least he still dared…to care.

 

 

“Yixing?” A different voice was against his ear, softer but richer, also unmistakeably female. It took Yixing a few seconds to recognize that the voice belonged to his assistant and where he was. “What’s wrong?’ She asked with some urgency in her tone. After all, they were heading to a very important meeeting and it would not do for them to be late.

 

“Sorry, I zoned out for a second,” he drawled sheepishly, summoning his sleepy charm to reassure her as he picked up his pace.   

 

xxx

 

The director arranged a meet and greet for all of the guests, just so he could go over the game mechanics and the cast could become familiarized with each other. Yixing ended up arriving on location ten minutes early  despite of zoning out and was surprised to see a tucked away tea house instead of a conveniently located restaurant.

 

He was greeted politely at the entrance by a pair of ladies dressed in traditional Chinese silk gown. One of them smiled, emerald hips swaying elegantly as she led his people towards one side of the hall, where they were promised hot tea and cakes as they waited for his return. The remaining lady in violet took Yixing the opposite way, up the creaky wooden staircase until they reached a private room. She knocked on the door twice and announced Yixing’s arrival before showing him in.

 

A pair of hands, strengthened with confidence, took grasp of Yixing’s as soon as he stepped in. The director’s smile was crinkly but no less charming as he thanked his guest for coming.

 

Yixing’s back automatically straightened, a smile forming on his lips as he shook the director’s hand back with as much enthusiasm as he could summon.

 

“As you can see, not everyone’s here yet!” The director’s voice was deep but jovial. “That’s all right, more tea for us. We will make the last person pay the bill.” He laughed at his own words as he gestured for Yixing to find a seat.

 

For the sake of good manners, Yixing was going to find himself a seat in the back of the room, just so those who came in afterwards could find a seat quickly. He was on his way to do just that when he made his first mistake of the evening – looking up before he was ready.

 

Dark hair, pale skin. Fine bone structures, perfectly symmetrical features and striking eyes. This was a face destined to make women swoon and men envious. Yixing knew that, ever since the first time he saw it as a trainee of S.M. Entertainment and back then this face had been partially covered by messy bangs.

 

His smile froze along with the rest of his body. He needed to speak but the words were stuck inside of his mouth. The director had poured Yixing’s tea for him, eyes gleaming as he took in the younger male’s reaction. This was actual shock, just as anticipated. 

 

“Yixing.” Sensing his inability to speak, the other party decided to spare some kindness.

 

This was Yixing’s cue to greet back. It should have been a simple task except the remaining EXO member no longer knew how to address the man that sat a seat away from him. No longer was this man his _Duizhang_ , nor did he go by the name of _Kris_. Yixing could have called him _Wu Yifan_ as he did when they first met but such a greeting would be considered cold and inappropriate for the occasion.

 

He could call him _ge_ , the way he called the other Chinese celebrities his senior when they met for the first time but this man didn’t feel like a brother to him. He could call him _Yifan_ like he did when they became close friends but that would feel wrong too. And…it would also hurt.

 

So instead, he just kept on staring.

 

Wu Yifan stared back.

 

Their eye contact eventually broke, not of their own accord but because of a cough from the opposite side of the table. The cough sounded familiar and a quick glance at its source told Yixing why.

 

It was Huang Zitao, holding a cup of tea with his pinky ever slightly raised. His first look at Yixing featured a pair of unfriendly eyes but quickly, the trace of hostility faded.

 

“Hi, Yixing!” He put down his cup and gave Yixing a smile. It was fake – just as the cough earlier was. Though he had matured some, Yixing was glad to see this one did not change completely. In a way, it almost felt appropriate that he interrupted with that cough when he did. After all, it was what he would have done back in the dorm rooms. Zitao always needed to be in the center of attention, especially when it came to his beloved _Duizhang_. He was possessive over Yifan in a way that no one else in EXO was over each other. Some said it was childishness but Yixing thought there was something more.

 

One time, when Zitao was more than a little tipsy, he told Yixing he didn’t like him because he thought there was something going on between him and the EXO-M leader. A few others heard his slur and laughed it off, telling Yixing to ignore their Taozi because he was clearly drunk and being a kid. Yixing nodded at their words and hauled Zitao off to bed so he could sleep it off but he knew the truth as none of those other EXO members did – Zitao was a kid, but it was always the children who had sharper intuitions.

 

And on top of those good instincts, Yixing also had to admire Zitao for his resilience. Like Sehun, he did not let the world crush his ability to show that he cared.  Look, even now, it was clear that Zitao held onto his emotions. Notice how he chose the seat that was the furthest away from Yifan and made a show of drinking tea when it was obvious his focus never shifted from the man sitting opposite him. He was still Tao and perhaps he'll always stay true to himself. How many others in the entertainment industry would be able to claim the same?

 

“Good to see you, Zitao.” Yixing sank down on his seat and trained his eyes on the tea menu. He realized that subconsciously, he had put a seat between himself and the former EXO members on either side. The seating arrangement had become extremely awkward because of that but the director did not appear to be interested in changing anything.

 

Thankfully, others showed up soon. Two female celebrities made their appearance, followed by another male. With them around the table, conversations started again. Zitao chatted with the girls while Yifan spoke with the male actor that was a fellow co-star of his in movie. Yixing was left to sit there with his own steaming tea cup. He should have felt content because anything was better than that awkward introduction earlier. But instead, he felt… _lonely_.

 

These faces were just too familiar and he couldn’t help stop the past from flooding back.

 

In the scene he remembered, Zitao should be sitting next to Yifan, his arms around the older male’s shoulders as he whined for the other to go shopping with him. Yifan, trying to focus on his game match with Chanyeol, would tell him ‘no’. But at the same time, there would be a smile tucked at the corner of their _Duizhang_ ’s lips, indicating the ‘no’ was only a playful rejection and that with a little more persistence, Zitao would get what he want and possibly more.

 

Baekhyun would be there, observing the game match. He’d be cheering loudly for Yifan and giving out helpful hints in hopes of sinking Chanyeol’s team sooner. Chanyeol, realizing that he was losing, would yell at Baekhyun to shut up – an order which the smaller male would casually ignore.  

 

Minseok and Jongdae would shake their heads at the other side of the room as they set up the table for the evening meal. Kyungsoo would rise to help them, only to be stopped by Jongin’s whine of stomach pains. Over the sound of Kyungsoo’s concerned voice, their not-so-fierce EXO-K leader would be shouting for someone to shut down the television because a horror movie had began playing. Though he seemed unimpressed, Minseok would follow Junmyeon’s request because he knew the other wouldn’t even go near the television set knowing a scary face could pop up on the screen.

 

Yixing would be at the couch, Sehun seated comfortably on his lap as they both watched the door for the arrival of pizzas and the guy who had volunteered to go pick them up.

 

Such a beautiful moment.

 

At that time no one realized just how precious it would be. Now they’ve lost it forever and Yixing wished he could just go back there for an hour or two. All twelve of them around a table, fighting over the best slices of pizza. Even if they didn’t speak, their friendship would be loud and clear. Even if they didn’t smile, the room would be filled with comradery and Yixing would bask in the warmth of their shared affection.

 

Now, Yixing was just stuck. He was doomed to sit in this room next to familiar faces but feel nothing but icy, cutting cold of their emotional distance.

 

 “Sorry, am I late?” The door swung open behind Yixing and the final guest of this game show announced his arrival. Yixing felt the warm palm against his back before he saw his face. So his earlier guess wasn’t completely wrong, only he underestimated the depth of the director’s insanity.

 

“Wow, everyone got here so fast. Here, as the last person to arrive, let me treat everyone to pastries.” Luhan pulled the chair next to Yixing and sat down without hesitation. “How about this red bean and sesame one we tried last time here, Zitao? Not too sweet, you girls will probably like it.” He pushed the menu towards the middle of the table so everyone could have a look. “So what did I miss?” He helped himself to the nearest tea pot and refreshed everyone on the left’s drinks on his way. He smiled when Yifan said ‘thank you’ at the refill and somehow it seemed natural.

 

Clearly, Luhan had accepted his role as the glue that would pull the rest of them together for this show. To Yixing, though, this felt like an impossible task considering how much tension there already was before they even reached episode one.  

 


	2. Episode 01

Sometimes it is not just about how things ended but how they began.

 

Just like the opening chapter of a good book, the first episode of any new television series should have the ability to hook in its audience and leave them in want of more. Yixing was not worried about the popularity of this game show because their appearances alone in the first episode would entice the viewers. The fans who were heartbroken by the departure and separation of their EXO favorites might cry happy tears. Some of the old Chinese EXO ‘ships’ – yes, Yixing knew about them – might renew, giving the four men each an additional boost of fame. Even those who were not interested in reality shows may give this one a watch, just for the drama that might come out of this unexpected reunion of former EXO.

 

Yixing innocently thought this would be enough and that the director would rest on his laurels and not put as much thoughts into the first episode. But no, he had once again made the mistake of underestimating the director’s ambition and insanity. Apparently, the excitement his controversial guests would bring was not enough – the director planned a first episode that would start things off with a literal _bang_.

 

At the firing of the starter pistol, everyone sprang into action.

 

The rule was simple – eliminate each other. Points would be allocated to the seven guests based on the order of elimination and the final winner would receive an additional prize. The viewers, of course, would not know the purpose of these points but Yixing’s manager had told him in advance they’d be used for the final episode, which was going to be really intense. All of the guests wore name tags – one on their chest and one on their back. The way to eliminate others was by pouring ink over _both_ of their name tags.

 

As for how to get the ink…this is where the game became interesting. Right in front of each guest was an ink bottle, which they could easily grab. That said, trying to pour a little bottle of ink over moving targets may be difficult, which was why other weapons were provided. There was a water gun, good range and loaded with ink. Zitao was looking at it as if it was his already, though the gun was located a good 50 meters away from his starting point. There were water pistols, which were smaller, had limited range but easier to carry.

 

For fun, there was also a rubber ducky that could squirt ink. Yixing didn’t think it would be any good but anyone who wanted to play up their aegyo could give it a go.

 

Everyone started standing in a circle and the better weapon you wanted, the further you had to run in. Yixing knew right away he was going to end up with nothing except for the bottle in front of him. It couldn’t be helped; his reactions were just naturally slow.

 

Sure enough, it took him a solid two seconds to gather himself after the shot fired. By this point, Zitao was already half way to his water gun.

 

Yixing scooped up the tiny ink bottle in front of him and tucked it in his pocket. Then he turned around and ran, heart pounding as he left the noisy crowd. He took one turn, then another and soon, his world was quiet again but for the sound of his camera man’s laborious breathing.

 

xxx

Everyone’s battle strategy became clear quite quickly after that shot was fired. Zitao was charging in with a loud cry as if this was an actual war and his life was on the line. Yang Mi, one of their only two female guests, ran in after him. Clearly, their time together on _Takes a Real Man_ created a bond and they were teaming up. William Chan, determined to have a good time, had grabbed himself a water pistol and opened fire on Dilraba Dilmurat, even though she was the other lady of the show. 

 

William’s aim was good and Dilraba would have been the first blood had Luhan not tugged her out of the way.

 

This scene alone could cause an eruption as the internet was still full of rumors about Luhan and Dilraba due to how intimately they behaved on the Chinese _Running Man_. The two initially avoided each other because of those rumors but it became quickly apparent that the media would not rest. Their avoidance of each other only made the paparazzi more curious. Sometimes, one must simply admit defeat to the media storm and join the chaos. It took them a few months but these two seemed to have finally caught on. Looking at them now, dodging from William’s attack hand-in-hand, even Yifan could see the couple potential.

 

That said, there was no real love. How did he know? Because there was no lust in Luhan’s eyes when he exchanged gazes with the woman in his arms. His pupils did not darken with desire, nor did his features take on those subtle changes that would turn his flawless prettiness savage. Luhan in lust turned him from a prancing deer into a creature on the hunt, the same as it did with any man. In that aspect at least, they were all the same.

 

And no lust, no love. That was what Yifan believed and witnessed his entire life.

 

Besides, maybe Dilraba should consider herself lucky. From what Yifan knew of her, she seemed like a sweet, cheerful person who preferred the brighter half of the street. Perhaps she shouldn’t risk being with a man like Luhan, who lured people in with his long-eyelashed prettiness only to deliver them a rude awakening down the line when he revealed their gentle deer actually preferred his bedroom activities on the _freakier_ side. 

 

So caught up in his observation of the couple, Yifan nearly missed the blast of ink Yang Mi sent his way. He dodged in a hurry and ended up falling on his behind. This was frustrating. After his latest photo shoot accident, Yifan really needed to hold onto his cool points in front of the camera. This comedic fall would not help him any and he already knew there was no way the director would edit out something as amusing as this. Thankfully, while scrambling to get away, his hand chanced upon another water pistol, enabling him to return fire.

 

He was luckier than Yang Mi and managed to hit her name tag in the front. Being hit also surprised the actress enough to stop her advance, giving Yifan enough time to stand.

 

“Wait, wait!” It was William’s voice, just loud enough to turn all of their attention from the individual battles. “Aren’t we moving too fast? What about the side missions?”

 

So the guests looked down at themselves. At this point, though they were only twenty minutes in, four of them already carried ink on their name tag. If they continued like this, then most of them would be eliminated before they even got to the side missions, which were little tasks assigned in various areas of this park meant to earn additional points.

 

“Truce for now?” Yifan suggested to the crowd and was satisfied to see guns (and a rubber ducky) lower. One by one, the crowd dispersed. If the director wasn’t going to give them any directions, then they had to take care of things themselves and make sure the day didn’t end too early.

 

xxx

 

“Oh my gosh, it’s Wu Yifan!” A pair of joggers stopped in their path to gawk at him. Phones were pulled out rapidly and cameras were angled to film before Yifan could even slap the signature smirk on his face. “What are you doing here?” They squealed excitedly as they crowded in a little closer. “It is for a show, isn’t it?” The camera man following him made that pretty obvious.

 

“Yes,” he answered simply. Others in the park were drawing closer, pulled in by the commotion the first two girls were making. He was attracting too much attention and soon, would become an easy target for the other guests. “I have to go,” he said, making what he felt like was the right choice. “Have you guys seen anyone else in this park?” By anyone else he meant fellow celebrities. He should have worded himself better but the girls caught on to his meaning.

 

“I think I saw Zhang Yixing over there, but he ran past really fast so I can’t be sure.” One of the girls pointed, directing Yifan’s gaze towards the trees where a small fleck of white could be observed among the green.

 

_Great, just his luck_.

 

xxx

 

 Yixing was standing underneath a tree, letting its leaves block off the worst of the burning sun. He squinted at the map with slightly slumped shoulders as he mumbled to himself, completely distracted and the perfect target of ambush.

 

Yifan told the camera man to wait for him and approached Yixing slowly from the back. He moved cautiously, pausing when he was three meters away, then again at two meters. By this point he was close enough to shoot but instead of pulling the trigger, he found himself taking a few more steps forward. Less than a meter, that was how far they were apart when he finally came to a complete stop. Yixing remained oblivious to Yifan’s advance, even as his own camera man took notice. Yifan put a hand to his lip and the camera man looked down again, having decided to not tip off Yixing for the sake of professionalism.

 

Yifan waited for Yixing to become aware of his presence but seconds ticked past and still nothing happened.

 

_This guy_ , Yifan wanted to shake his head. _He is still as clueless as ever_.

 

 

The first time he met Yixing, the other also had a map in his hands. It was a typical weekend afternoon and Yifan was doing some grocery shopping. It wasn’t a bad haul and with an extra smile, he was able to charm a can of soda from the shop owner. As S.M. trainees, they were given a decent amount of monthly allowances. Though it wasn’t enough for luxuries, he had never felt too poor to pay for his own beverages. Free, however, was always better than not and to be honest, Yifan liked the effect his looks sometimes had on people.

 

Today, shop owner noona was beyond kind and along with the soda, she gave him compliments. Those praises played over and over in Yifan’s mind until he felt almost light-headed. He stopped looking at where he was going and a hard collision with a fellow trainee was the unfortunate consequence.

 

Having the size advantage and a free hand to balance himself, Yifan managed to remain solidly standing. The other guy, with both of his hands occupied by a map, however, was not so lucky.

 

“Careful!” Yifan reached out, managing to catch the falling person by the arm. With a hard yank, Yifan helped the other back on his feet.

 

“I am sorry,” the other guy said, giving him an almost formal 90 degree bow of apology. “Please forgive me!”

 

Yifan studied him, somewhat amused. Believe it or not, he actually knew this person. While they’ve never officially met, he’d heard rumors about the Chinese trainee who had a tendency of remaining in the dance studio until midnight. Then, the next morning, he’d be back in there again before the sun even rose. When Yifan first heard about this guy, he’d imagined a man of impeccable good looks with ambition glowing like a fire in his hooded eyes.

 

Clearly, his assumptions were wrong.

 

The man – or really, still _teenager_ – who stood before him had a sweet round face and messy, sweat drenched dark bangs. His eyes, which were revealed when he finally raised his head slightly, were a gentle brown. They were nice eyes, Yifan decided, good sized and thick lashed. However, the other trainee didn’t have much of that intense gaze that all idols were supposed to be able to summon on stage. In fact, the look in this guy’s eyes reminded Yifan of the neighborhood puppy that he used to play with – the one that kept on running into the glass door whenever it saw a squirrel in the yard. As an insensitive kid, Yifan always laughed at its dumbness but was also quick to fetch treats when the puppy turned its confused, pleading eyes on him.

 

So deep in thought, Yifan took too long to notice that the other trainee still remained at the 90 degrees angle, likely because he haven’t received words of forgiveness. This was politeness at its finest. Appreciated by S.M. but not necessarily required on public streets.

 

“It’s not your fault. I wasn’t watching where I was going anyway.” Yifan waved the other off.

 

Finally, with that reassurance, Mister Hardworking straightened. Yifan saw his lips shift to form words of farewell but instead, something different came out. “Wow,” the other mumbled in Chinese. “So handsome.”

 

“Thanks,” replied Yifan, the right corner of his lips lifting. Another compliment to add onto his list for the day, and this one came from a fellow trainee. Yifan must admit, his mood was getting better and better with each passing minute. Perhaps it was because the unexpected praise pleased his growing ego, or maybe the guy’s smooth Chinese reminded him of the childhood he could no longer get back – whatever it was, Yifan decided to introduce himself instead of turning away. “My name is Wu Yifan. You can call me Kris.” He decided to talk in Chinese – just because the other trainee’s Korean (judging by the apology speech earlier) wasn’t nearly as smooth as his mother tongue.

 

He expected an enthusiastic response but the reality was quite different. The other trainee actually seemed to be frozen on the spot by his words, eyes wide as if he couldn’t believe this was happening. Yifan began regretting his decision – someone who worked as hard as this guy likely had a goal in mind. He was probably here just to debut, not to exchange pleasantries and possibly make friends.

 

A few long awkward seconds stretched past and Yifan started considering if he could just… _casually_ walk away. But before he could, the other guy pounced on him.

 

Yes, pounced. Just like that neighborhood puppy did to him once on a rainy day.

 

“My name is Zhang Yixing!” The other trainee’s smile was bright to the point of blinding. After a moment of hesitation, Yifan returned it, though his was not nearly as dazzling. “Can we be friends?”

 

“Uh….”

 

Now it was Yifan’s turn to stare. This was moving way too fast – only first meeting and he was already asking for friendship? But how did this guy know they would get along? They didn’t really know each other yet…

 

Yifan wasn’t used to this. While he got along reasonably well with the other trainees, he didn’t really hang out with them excessively or chat outside of the classes. Other people assumed he was cold from his appearance and often walked away from him because they found him intimidating. This wasn’t really a problem with Yifan, though, because he wasn’t one of those people that needed good friends. As long as he wasn’t being bullied and there were semi-friendly faces in the hallway, he was set. So hhy was this guy so eager for his friendship? Because he was Chinese? Because he didn’t let him fall earlier? Don’t tell him it was because of his _handsomeness_?

 

Yifan looked back at Yixing, searching that happy little round face for answers. Instead, he only found sincerity and a tiny dimple tucked by Yixing’s lips. There was only one, but somehow that made it even more endearing.

 

“Sure,” he responded before his mind was made up. Maybe he was just doomed to always be a softie towards the cute things.

 

xxx

 

“Zhang Yixing!”

 

The voice startled him.

 

Yixing turned, eyes widening with shock as he scrambled to his feet.  How did he manage to not notice when someone was this close to him?  

 

Yifan was less than a meter away, a somber expression on his face. If that water pistol wasn’t a laughable neon pink, one could have totally imagined this to be some sort of movie scene. Yixing contemplated briefly if he should put his hands up or run away but figured at this range, he’d get hit no matter what. Perhaps he should try negotiating, which was something the show encouraged them to do. After all, some entertaining scenes might come out of it and the guests might end up with more screen time.

 

“Hey…let’s talk about this.” He agreed to be on this show so he needed to push himself to play, even if all he wanted to do was go home and end things as soon as possible.

 

Luckily for him, the negotiation didn’t actually end up happening as a powerful splash of ink hit Yifan on his back. It was Zitao, his aim was dead on but after watching _Takes a Real Man_ , Yixing couldn’t say he was surprised. Then, before any words could be exchanged, Yifan chose to turn around so he could see who the culprit of this sneak attack was. That was, however, a mistake because all he did was to give Zitao access to the name tag he wore on his chest.  

 

WU YIFAN. OUT.

 

First eliminated, poor Wu Yifan’s heart must be bleeding. He pretended he didn’t care but Yixing knew how much the former EXO-M leader liked to win. The entire EXO had to hear him whine for three days after filming their group appearance on the Korean Running Man, because he got eliminated so quickly and ‘uncoolly’.

 

But this was no time to pity someone else for Yixing was also in the line of fire. Picking up the water pistol Yifan dropped, Yixing rolled to the side and tried to get a clear shot of Zitao, who had emerged from the bushes he was hiding behind to assess the damage he’d done. He would have gotten a hit in except Yang Mi, Zitao’s teammate, came with him. She blocked Yixing’s shot and was declared the second elimination of the game.

 

As always, Zitao chose to be over dramatic and shouted over Yang Mi’s OUT as if a bandit had murdered his actual family. Then, he took revenge for her and called Yixing’s participation in the first episode to an end.

 

Three of them: Yixing, Yang Mi and Yifan were told to take a break. They still had to come together for the final scene after they figured out the winner but since the Luhan pair and William were on a whole different map, it might take some time still. “Why don’t you guys go for lunch?” One of the staff members suggested, pointing to a quaint looking Korean restaurant in the corner.

 

Yixing was hungry so he agreed without much thought. He expected Yifan to find himself another place and was baffled when he found all three of them sitting down at the same table with steaming stone bowl rice in front of each. The atmosphere became uncomfortable again and Yixing tried to ignore the gathering of tension by digging into his food. And to be honest, his meal was so well seasoned that it deserved his undivided attention anyway.

 

Yixing carried on eating; not realizing that a partial smile had been restored to his face from getting good food alone and that someone else was watching him and reminiscing.

 

xxx

 

“What are you doing?”

 

A hand had swiftly snatched away Yifan’s spoon before the tasty content could make its way between his lips.

 

“Eating, clearly.” Yifan made a grab to get his spoon back and glared in frustration when his palm hit nothing but air.

 

“You have to mix it properly! You can’t just eat it straight like this.” Yixing gave him a stern look, clearly disappointed by his supposed best friend’s lack of appreciation for food. “Here, I’ll do it for you.” With a light ‘hmph’, the younger male took Yifan’s stone bowl from him. Using the pair of scissors helpfully provided by their waitress, Yixing cut through the egg in the middle of the bowl and allowed the still soften golden yoke to pour forth onto the rice, meat and vegetables. Then, making a perfect swirl of red with the spicy sauce, Yixing declared the dish ready for mixing.

 

One spoon was not enough, or so Yixing claimed. Two spoons were needed in order to properly push and tuck until everything in the stone bowl was mixed into a colorful, sticky pile of goodness.

 

If the aroma was just delicious before, now it was beyond delectable. 

 

 “There,” he gave a content smile as he passed one of the spoons back to Yifan. The other spoon he licked clean before putting aside. Not a single grain wasted, that was his motto. “Now you can eat.”

 

“Stop being such a foodie or you’ll gain it all back,” Yifan warned, casually lifting Yixing’s shirt under the table and pinching with long fingers the final bit of belly chub the other’s ten-hours-a-day dance practices couldn’t take away.

 

“Stop that!” Yixing swatted his hand away, his anger only half playful as this was a sensitive spot of his. Too many people had told him he was fat during his time here, some with kind intentions and others out of pure rudeness. Those comments left a mark and though he’d been trying to hide just how sore he still was about it, the insecurities still sometimes crawled to the surface and revealed themselves as snappy remarks.

 

“Alright, alright, don’t be mad.” Yifan raised his hands into the air as a gesture of surrender. “I am sorry, okay? Will treat you tonight to make up for it.” 

 

“You don’t have to.” Yixing returned his attention to his own food, his tone suggesting that he shall not to be so easily placated this time.

 

_This is what happens when you become close with someone_. Yifan inwardly sighed, remembering the good old times. When their friendship first started, Yixing was the sweetest guy ever. He texted often and did not seem to mind if Yifan did not text back. He shared random stories about his day without needing Yifan to respond with too much energy. He was even okay with Yifan forgetting his birthday after preparing laboriously and celebrating Yifan’s with him.

 

Now, two years down the line, Yixing ditched his politeness around him. Lost his temper more easily and stopped worrying about his appearance when it was just the two of them watching television in Yifan’s messy dorm room. If those girls who sometimes giggled at Yixing on their way to school knew how their cute dimpled oppa ate chips until he was too full to move and got crumbs all over his shirt, they’d be appalled. That said – Yixing didn’t indulge in junk food like that too often. He had to watch his weight closely those first two years and now, though his weight was relatively stable, he still kept an eye firmly on the scale.

 

“I am supposed to pay anyway, since I am older. Chinese tradition, isn’t it the same for your area?”

 

That got Yixing’s attention. Being away from home, Yixing loved to talk about China and the culture there. “Actually, yes! But it doesn’t seem fair, does it, since the younger person doesn’t have to do anything in return. I wouldn’t feel good if people kept on just paying for me all the time…”

 

“Well, no, you _do_ have to pay. Not in money but in respect.” Yifan pulled up his signature smirk. “You should be calling me _ge_ and listening to _everything_ I say.”

 

Yixing snorted at such ridiculousness but for some reasons, decided it wouldn’t hurt to play along this once “Alright, _ge_. Your little brother will pour _wine_ for you.” He bowed his head, feigning demureness as he poured some hot tea into Yifan’s cup. “Are you well pleased?”

 

Now it was Yifan’s turn to laugh. He would have told Yixing he resembled a Japanese geisha more than a dutiful little brother with that look he gave just now, but maybe he’d risked the other’s anger enough for one night. “So what did you want to talk to me about anyway? I thought you had some news?”

 

“Oh yeah!” Foodie Xing must have focused so hard on his dinner that he forgot everything else. “I got a new roommate.”

 

Getting a new roommate was common enough for trainees. People quit often once they lose hope. Some of them only stick around for two years, some leave even earlier than that. Never to worry, though, there were plenty eager young people out there, ready to replace any drop outs. Yifan had his roommate switched twice already so hearing Yixing was getting a new one was no surprise.

 

“Is he rude to you or something?” There must be a reason Yixing was calling this important news and the only thing Yifan could think of was bullying. That was what Yixing’s old roommate did, after all, and why Yixing spent so much of his time in the dance studio in the beginning. _Anything to get away from his dirty looks_ , or so Yixing told him four months into their friendship. Yifan supposed in the long run, the other guy’s pettiness actually helped Yixing in becoming the excellent dancer he was now. Funny how life worked.

 

“No, he’s _Chinese_!” Yixing smiled. “His Chinese was really fluent when we chatted and his Korean too.” There was admiration in his voice. Yifan understood – though Yixing’s been around for two years, his Korean was still not up to par. Languages just didn’t come to him as naturally as music and dancing, he supposed. “He is also _really_ handsome!”

 

Somehow that sentence irked him.  Yixing was generous with his compliments when it came to other trainees but in terms of appearance, he never called anyone _really handsome_ except for Yifan.

 

“Did he tell you his name yet?” Yifan put down his tea cup. He might need to go see this _really handsome_ Chinese trainee himself, just to confirm Yixing’s claims.

 

“Oh yeah, he told me. It’s _Luhan_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter up! Thanks for all the comments, guys. I was super encouraged by them all and that's why I updated so fast.
> 
> This chapter is flash-backing to Yixing's early years. I know younger!Xing seems different from older!Xing but that's to be expected, right? He was cuter back then and more affectionate. Now, he's just lost too much to stay that adorable. Yixing and Yifan met first so this chapter is mostly on them. I'll have Luhan next chapter and Taozi in the one after. The other EXO members will come as well so please look forward to that~
> 
> I really appreciate you guys for reading and will try my best to not disappoint you guys with this fic. As always, comment to show me love. <3


	3. Episode 02

Humans were greedy creatures in constant need of entertainment and that was why they started with something exciting. However, too much of anything could become boring after a while, even something as powerful as stimulation. The second episode, as some might have predicted, involved something a lot calmer and happier – charity work.

 

Come now, we couldn’t let the fans see these celebrities as savages from now on, could we? Time to rescue those slightly tarnished reputations with cute homeless animals!

 

It was still a competition but this one was about how many good deed tasks one would be able to complete by the end of the day. For every task completed, a point would be earned towards the final episode, which was actually becoming a very well kept secret. After last episode, Yixing and Luhan went for a quick but also very discreet supper. Their managers were there, as were the rest of the staff. The managers exchanged information and apparently, no one knew anything about that mysterious final episode. Yixing supposed the director wanted the final episode to be a complete surprise to everyone which could be good for getting genuine reactions but also _risky_ since things could go horribly wrong.

 

Then again, this director was a high stake gambler. He’d proven that time and time again.

 

_Perhaps he’ll make us kill each other for real_. Yixing briefly mused but just as quickly dismissed the dark thought out of consideration for his mental health.

 

Back to the present, everyone was getting dropped off at this shelter for abandoned animals. They were dressed in bright colors to emphasize on the happy feeling this episode was supposed to create. Yixing was put in white and his hoodie had a cartoon sheep sewed in. Luhan, of course, was a deer. Zitao was a panda and he was the only whining because he wanted a cooler animal on his back like a cheetah. Yang Mi, adorable in pink, was petting the complaining _peach_ with a comforting bunny paw (which might be from her private collection since paws weren’t a part of their wardrobe for this episode).

 

The shelter was huge and conveniently divided into stations. The guests were free to choose which station they started at and upon completion of the task assigned at each place, they’d get their precious point. Every station had different animals and to be honest, Yixing was certain he’d never get to them all because he was terrified of some of those animals. Perhaps the director included them on purpose. There were ducks, chickens _and_ pigeons. People kept on accusing him of pretending to be scared of pigeons after that episode on _Go Fighting_ but that was no acting. He was _actually_ petrified of those creatures with their beady little eyes, unpredictably flappy wings and _beaks_.

 

One flew unsteadily over his head as a child and he never forgot the look it gave him. People thought pigeons were friendly dumb creatures that could be enjoyed in soup but Yixing knew to not underestimate them. Some pigeons, like the one that flew over his toddler form, were capable of _murder_. Only Yixing’s mom took him away before it could act on its evil intents.

 

What he also did not fake was that fainting session on _Go Fighting_. He’d felt the fogginess grow in his head that entire morning of filming and was telling himself to just push through it. He caught himself twice and even managed to request to go to the bathroom so he could clear his mind up. However, darkness swallowed him before he made it to the door. It made great television, of course, and caused a rather significant uproar. His fans were worried while his haters slapped terms such as ‘fake’ and ‘liar’ all over him. They said this was his ploy so he could leave EXO and the excuse he chose wasn’t even original. They said they felt sick to their stomachs, looking at his face as he _pretend_ ed to lose consciousness.

 

To be honest, Yixing didn’t blame them – he felt a little sick looking at himself on the screen too. The fainting was real and that was why he couldn’t stand it. It meant he lost control on camera and allowed himself to be shown as fragile. It was frustrating because he used to be one of those people that could control himself really well, especially physically. He could make himself dance when his body was at its limits after twelve hours of nonstop movements. He could sing through fevers and smile with blood seeping through bandages on his hand. Even on those terrible days when sadness felt so overwhelming that it made his chest constrict in pain…even when tears dance in circles in his eyes and he couldn’t breathe properly, he’d hold it together. He’d wait until the dead of the night when everyone was asleep and then he’d bury his face in the pillow and let it out quietly.

 

He was older now, more mature – the trials of his life should have made him stronger than ever so why this? Why _now_?

 

The other guests were stretching, trying to figure out which station to go to first. For Luhan, it was an easy choice.

 

“Want to go for the cat one with me?” He asked William, who agreed without any hesitation. “Maybe it’ll make my cats angry when I go home tonight but that’s alright. I can win them back with a can of food, cats are like that.” Luhan was flipping through his phone for pictures of his personal felines. The guests circled around him to see but left space for the cameras. Surely the fans would also love to see pictures of those cats. Since announcing their existence and making them models on his social media accounts, Luhan attracted quite a few cat-lover fans. There was talk that he only showed that much love to his cats for the sake of popularity but Yixing knew that wasn’t true.

 

Luhan’s love for cats was real and he’d known that for a very long time.

 

xxx

 

The sky was dark and rain came down in waves. The pavement was wet and so was the bottom of Yixing’s trousers. The strong wind made him abandon his crappy cheap umbrella a while ago and now, he was just trying to make it back to the dorms as fast as possible. There were too many puddles to run and he couldn’t afford to lose another pair of sneakers since he was drawing dangerously close to a negative balance and the next allowance distribution was in four days. So instead, he speed walked and maneuvered around the tiny ponds to the best of his ability.

 

Yixing was just a block from the dorms when he saw _him_ through the silver sheets of rain. It was such a beautiful sight that for a second, he thought he’d walked into a painting.

 

A young man crouched over a calico cat, red umbrella over them both. His features were partially concealed by the umbrella and what the umbrella did not cover was a blur due to the steady downpour from the scarlet polyester fabric. But even with all that distracting the view, Yixing could still see the slenderness of the man’s neck and that soft, but defined jaw line. The cat was meowing, its slightly wet tail swishing lazily from side to side as it leaned in to sniff at the hand it was offered. 

 

“Luhan?” He called out.

 

The other turned; umbrella tilting back to reveal a pair of pleasantly surprised eyes framed by thick lashes. “Yixing!” Luhan greeted back. “Come here, come here.”

 

Yixing did as he was told but approached extra slowly for the sake of not startling the cat. Animals didn’t usually like him but it was perhaps because they could sense his internal fear. Even now, though it seemed docile enough as it pawed Luhan’s shoe, Yixing remembered that cats had claws. Sharp ones, too, that could hurt someone if they chose to attack. Cats were also finickier than dogs and there was no _real_ way to tell if they were in a decent mood.

 

“Don’t be scared, he won’t hurt you.” Yixing’s toeing around must have been obvious if Luhan started reassuring him like this.

 

He did not want to be embarrassed by a third beckoning so Yixing manned up and crouched down next to Luhan. The cat looked at him for a second when he first showed up but soon lost its interest and turned back to Luhan. See, even the feline knew who the better looking one was. But that’s okay – Yixing was long past the point of being jealous of his fellow trainee’s handsomeness.

 

“This one is a fighter and I’ve seen him chasing off dogs. He’s only being sweet like this because he’s feeling vulnerable now that he’s wet,” Luhan explained, brushing his index finger lightly over the cat’s forehead, earning from it another satisfied mewl. “He likes the umbrella and my body heat. It is very cold today and I think if I want to, he’ll come home with me.” Luhan’s lips curved in a smile, a hint of mischief entering his eyes as he imagined sneaking the cat past everyone and into the dorm room.

 

“Do it, then!” Yixing blurted out without much thinking, and only afterwards did he remember he was encouraging something that was against the rules. “I mean, I won’t tell anyone…” Their other roommate was also going to be away for a few days in the hospital due to an injury. They’d be alone and no one really visited unless asked so technically, the cat could stay for the night and the chance of them getting away with it was fairly high.

 

His small outburst had Luhan chuckling.

 

“I thought you were a good child, Yixing.”

 

“I am a loyal friend first,” Yixing replied and couldn’t help but feeling a little indignant at the word ‘child’. “It’s not like breaking the no pet dormitory rule once in a while would hurt anyone.” Unless someone was allergic and started sneezing all day…in that case Yixing would actually feel really bad.

 

Luhan raised a brow as if considering his words. “Loyalty is under appreciated in today’s society.”

 

Yixing thought that was such a strange thing to say, especially coming from someone as young and successful as Luhan. Out of the trainees he’d seen, Luhan was the one he really had his money on debuting. Look at him – handsome, smart, beautiful vocals and capable of following the dance routine without putting in many hours like Yixing had to.  On top of it, Luhan was already popular with the other trainees. The awkwardness that accompanied Yixing for the first year of his time in Korea seemed to have bypassed Luhan completely. He wasn’t really bullied or shunned by the native Koreans and in fact, seemed welcomed when he walked among them.

 

It was more than his good grasp of the Korean language. Yixing thought Luhan possessed something he’d never be able to learn and that was charisma. Even he, who thought he didn’t need to make any more friends after finding Yifan, was drawn in by this deer’s charms.

 

“Sorry, what I meant was, let’s do it!” Luhan was smiling again, the somber expression that briefly flashed past his face completely dissipated as if it never existed in the first place. “Here, hold the umbrella for a second.”

 

Yixing nodded and held the umbrella over all three of them as Luhan scooped the cat into his arms. The creature initially wiggled in bewilderment but calmed when he was placed into the front of Luhan’s zipped jacket. “Come on,” said Yixing’s roommate as he positioned a hand over the cat bump sticking out from his middle. It was a hilarious sight but Yixing supposed they couldn’t just walk through the gates with a bundle of fur in their arms. None of them brought a back pack and the grocery bags in Yixing’s hands were transparent. Hopefully the cat won’t kick up too much of a fuss in Luhan’s jacket and they could sneak past everyone without any trouble.

 

Their luck held. The hallway was emptier today – perhaps everyone decided to sleep earlier due to the freezing rain. Luhan and Yixing sneaked to their room, tidied things up quickly before letting the feline loose. It seemed shocked by its new environment and promptly began sniffing around. Eventually, though, it found itself a nice nap spot on Yixing’s bed, right by his pillow.

 

Such good taste the cat had, Yixing mused. The pillow was actually brought from China by his mom and the casing was sewed by his aunties. It didn’t look fancy but was extremely soft. He always fell asleep on it like a tiny baby carried and rocked by the clouds.   

 

“I think I’ll name him Lan Lan.” That meant ‘lazy lazy’ in Chinese, which Yixing thought was an appropriate name considering how the first thing the cat did was to nap. Luhan had followed Lan Lan to Yixing’s bed, now sprawling himself out into a more comfortable position. He was stroking the cat’s back and getting a steady purr going when he noticed Yixing was still standing by the door. “Come and pet him too.”

 

“I have to go,” Yixing said. The cat, now that it was asleep, seemed safe to approach and extra adorable. He was tempted to linger for a while but knew he had another, much more important task on hand. “I have to take these to Wu Yifan.” The grocery bags, now soaked just like the rest of him, were lifted for Luhan’s examination.

 

“I think you bought too much,” Luhan commented, side eyeing the containers of meds in one of the plastic bags.

 

“I know. I just didn’t know what worked better so I asked the lady for recommendations. She couldn’t decide either so I just got all of them.” And after the drug store he stopped by the supermarket so he could pick up some fruits and ready-made sandwiches.

 

“You really are a good friend,” Luhan complimented, giving Yixing an air pat on the head. “Kris must be important to you.”

 

Yixing nodded in agreement, pausing as he searched his mind for the right words. “Yifan was my only friend for a long time…I was really lonely in the months I spent here before meeting him.” He didn’t know why he felt like explaining himself to Luhan but perhaps he just wanted _someone_ to know how grateful he was to find another Chinese trainee.

 

When Yifan spoke to him in Chinese that day, Yixing almost felt like bursting into tears. He just missed home so much – his parents, relatives and even the neighbors. When he dreamt, he heard their voices, soft and familiar in his mother tongue. When Yifan spoke, though his dialect was different from the one featured in Yixing’s dreams, the familiarity of the Chinese language still felt like a balm that soothed the wound his home sickness left. For being the first person that made his trainee life in Korea less unbearable, Yifan managed to wiggle himself into a special place in Yixing’s heart.

 

“He’s my best friend.” That was Yixing’s final declaration before fleeing the room in embarrassment.

 

Luhan stared at the door long after the other Chinese male disappeared, brows knotted. The cat, noticing his lack of movement, meowed to prompt its renewal. And so he did, rubbing gently into the soft fur.

 

_A best friend, hm?_ Luhan propped up his elbow, rested his chin against his palm and thought over the words. It had been a long time since he considered anyone that. Sure, he made friends easily and had a way of bringing fellow trainees into his social circle. But how many of these friends considered him as their top priority? How many of them would run into the icy rain to get him enough fever medicine to last three years? How many would forgo comfort and push aside competitiveness, ditch responsibilities so they could take care of him?

 

For once, jealousy between the two Chinese roommates flipped in direction and Luhan wished he had a best friend who could see him as Yixing saw Yifan. A friendship of such purity had value within itself and was worth its weight in shiny dollar bills.

 

xxx

The bunny station’s task was simple and all Yixing had to do was to chop up some vegetables and add it to the oversized feeding bowl. He sliced away, slow but well practiced with a knife. It would appear he had not forgotten his cooking skill, though it’s been a while since he had the opportunity to use it. The last meal he cooked was…a little over a year ago when he was in Korea. The hotel they were staying at had a fully equipped kitchen and upon request, he made some fried rice and grilled pork belly for his hungry roommate Jongdae. The savory aroma ended up reaching out of the door and spreading into the hallway and soon, two more hungry critters by the name of Jongin and Sehun wandered in. Yixing pulled up chairs for them and dumped a plateful in front of each. Their content expressions made him feel happy because it reminded him of the EXO dorm days when he was known as the EXO-M’s ‘cooking mom’.

 

Wu Yifan was at the bunny station too, communicating enthusiastically with the camera as he held a small, fragile looking creature in his massive hand. It looked really cute in front of the camera and after some good editing, would be even better on the actual television. In reality though, Yixing could tell the bunny was trying to wiggle away. Perhaps it didn’t actually like the humans, after all, they must seem like massive beings of unlimited strength to the little ones. If a giant showed up in Yixing’s world and tried to pick him up, he’d want to run too.

 

“It must miss its mother.” Yifan eventually noticed the bunny’s attempt to escape and set it back down, allowing it scurry off to a rabbit’s side.

 

Yixing subtly raised a brow, his eyes drawn to the taller male against his desires. Yifan’s eyes had turned gentler unknowingly, likely because of the word ‘mother’ – the one person Yifan truly loved in this life time.  

 

xxx

 

Yixing crouched by Yifan’s bed, testing his forehead to see if the fever had gone down. Unfortunately, it had not. “Don’t worry, I got meds,” he said, though he wasn’t certain if Yifan could hear him.

 

At the sound of his voice, the eyes that had been squeezed shut fluttered open. Yifan looked confused and tired but managed to follow Yixing’s movements around the bedroom with his eyes. “Mom?” He called out.

 

“No, it’s your Xing _ge_ ,” Yixing replied, sorting through the stack of medication he bought.*

 

“ _Mom_!” Yifan insisted, brows knotting with stubbornness as he made a snatch for Yixing’s hand.

 

Somehow, Yixing managed to find the strength to hold back his laughter. He shouldn’t find this situation entertaining but he rarely seen Yifan with his child mode activated like this. “Alright fine, I am _mom_.” Another wave of laughter threatened to push past his lips with that word but Yixing made himself swallow it back down. “Now be a good son and put your arm back under the blanket, alright? Mom needs to decide which meds to give you.”

 

For the first time ever, Yifan nodded and obeyed. Yixing felt his chest swell with pride for himself for getting this guy to listen to him. He also felt trusted, which meant he had to take care of this guy extra well. Unfortunately for Yifan, his Xing ge wasn’t actually an expert at taking care of people. He was, after all, just eighteen and barely even remembered to feed himself. The Korean labelling on the medicine was confusing and since he bought too many, he couldn’t remember which one was for which.

 

He pressed his hand against Yifan’s forehead again. It was definitely not going down on its own. “Okay, we are going to try the red package here. Here’s to hoping I won’t accidentally overdose you. If I do, though, please don’t hold any grudges and rest in peace. Possibly even consider protecting me when your soul enters heaven because at least I gave it a good go.”

 

Two tablets went down and seemed to have gotten the job done. Yifan’s fever disappeared sometimes during the night and by the next day; he was feeling a lot better. Yifan woke up to soft whirring of machinery and realized soon it was Yixing, who was fiddling with the portable rice cooker. “Hey…” His head felt foggy but he was no longer confused. “What are you doing here?” It was early afternoon, which meant Yixing should be in classes.

 

“I am making you congee,” said Yixing in a matter-of-fact voice.

 

“What about classes?”

 

“I took the day off.” Since he was usually so good with his attendance, the instructors didn’t give him hell over it, only warned to not make it a habit.

 

It would be a lie if Yifan said he was not touched by these simple words. Here was Yixing, the legendary trainee who danced morning to night. This was Mister Hardworking, who never took time for himself and pushed his body until it threatened to fall apart. Look at him now, taking a day off and skipping all of his classes just to take care of a friend who didn’t even treat him all that well. A part of Yifan wanted to tell Yixing he was the best and how thankful he was for the care he received…but his manly pride didn’t allow it.

 

So instead, he said “I owe you one.”

 

Yixing smiled through his panda eyes, dimple sweetening away the exhaustion. “Oh yeah, you do. Better think of a good way to pay me back or I’ll collect _lots_ of interest.”

 

 A dinner was not going to cover this one, was it?

 

Yifan returned the smile, the gesture hurting a little due to his dry lips. “I will treat you better from now on. As your best buddy.” It was a bit of a cheesy promise but Yixing brightened at it.

 

“I am holding you to it! Now sit up, let’s try to get some of this congee in you.” Yixing was fetching a bowl and scooping a glop of questionable white material in it. “I think I cooked it for too long and didn’t add enough water. Sorry, it won’t taste good but you _need_ to eat something…”

 

“Zhang Yixing.” His rambling was interrupted.

 

“What?”

 

“Friends for life, I mean it. First we’ll train together and then we’ll debut. Afterwards we’ll do concerts, interviews and reality shows…”

 

“And when we are old we’ll retire and buy houses next to each other. Get pretty wives and try to get our kids to marry each other?” Yixing flashed his teeth at the thought of him and Yifan grey and wrinkly, waving their canes at grand kids. It was a nice thing to think about stuff like that, especially during this stress period. “Sure.”

 

“It’s a promise then.”

 

Back then, they honestly thought they could make it happen. Everything did go according to plans for a few years and the promise they made to each other expanded to include more people like Luhan and Zitao. Eventually, the other EXO members became part of their wish too and for the first few glorious months after debut, Yixing imagined twelve houses next to each other. Then, the longer they worked as idols and the faster their popularity grew, the more he realized his dream was just that – a fantasy that cannot be achieved. He really was too young, too naive and too foolish as to think promises like the one Yifan made with him could be held for life.

 

Reality gave him a harsh lesson but Yixing was thankful to have the truth hammered into him early – lies were made to be kept and promises were _made_ to be broken.

                                                                                                

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Third chapter up! Thanks for reading along so far. All of your nice comments make me really happy! Next chapter will feature Zitao & I have something really exciting planned so please look forward to that. :3c
> 
> * ge means older brother in Chinese. Yifan is older than Yixing so usually Yixing would call Yifan 'ge'. At this part of the story though, he's using 'ge' playfully. He doesn't actually believe he is older than Yifan and is merely teasing. <3 Someone was confused on AFF regarding this part so I am going to leave a note of clarification.


	4. Episode 03

Luhan was welcomed, Yifan was respected, Yixing was mostly ignored but the one who had received the worst treatment out of the four Chinese trainees was Zitao. He was too young, too sheltered and unfortunately inexperienced in the ways of the world. He walked into the building expecting to be loved right away and so when his first attempt at making friends received nothing but sneers, he really felt the burn.

This felt like kindergarten again, when that tall kid pushed him off of the swing and called him a scrawny brat. Zitao was stunned because it was the first time he had felt such unkindness. Before kindergarten, he’d been surrounded by family. Those who weren’t family _worked_ for his family and therefore had only the sweetest words for him. They convinced him that he was an angel, born to be loved and treasured. He was always given what he wanted and never dared anyone hurt him.

He wailed when that boy pushed him, arms flailing as he made his confused anger known. Normally, his tears would bring adults to their knees as they scrambled to comfort him with gentle touches and promises. The tall kid, however, did the opposite of that. Instead of consoling, Zitao received a kick to his stomach. The other kid was around the same age but his size made him stronger. Zitao had the breath knocked out of him and found himself curled on his side, unable to stop coughing.

Thankfully, one of the other kids standing by gathered their wits enough to find the teacher. After some deliberation, the woman made the decision to take Zitao to the hospital because she knew she could not risk letting this one sustain any sort of lasting damage. In the end, her choice was a wise one for Zitao managed to get some internal bleeding from that one kick alone.

Zitao’s father flew into a truly terrifying rage and proved to be merciless even when the bully’s father came begging for Zitao’s forgiveness on his knees. Zitao’s father yelled at the man and cursed his son, telling them this matter won’t be let go of easily and he’d see the bully’s future ruined. The conversation took place right in front of Zitao’s hospital bed and to this day, fragments of memory regarding that day remained. Perhaps he should have felt proud of his father’s strong presence and glad the child who made him suffer was going to get severely reprimanded. Or maybe he should have felt some sort of pity, seeing how the bully’s father pleaded. But in truth, all Zitao felt was fear. It was buzzing at the back of his skull, reluctant to leave even when the tall kid was thrown out of the room.

The next day, Zitao told his dad that he wanted to take martial arts. His thought was simple – he must get stronger so people won’t be able to hurt him anymore. Those Wushu masters looked really cool on television and they were always capable of defending themselves. At first his father was reluctant, saying there was no need for him to participate in such activities. But Zitao insisted relentlessly and his dad caved, letting his son enroll into some classes even though he was only five-years-old at the time.

His first day as S.M. Entertainment trainee brought the buzz of fear back. Though he was taller, stronger and so much more than he used to be, Zitao felt as uncertain as he was when he laid on his side at the playground.

_Why wouldn’t they like me?_ He thought to himself, a little dejected. He’d been working so hard on his social skills, forcing himself to be less quiet so he could get along with these guys in case they were placed in the same group. He even complimented that other trainee’s shoes last Tuesday, even though they were positively hideous _and_ came from a nobody brand…why wouldn’t these people just notice how much effort he was putting in to being friendly and cut him some slack?

After that, he gave up on making friends for a bit and focused on his classes. He wasn’t the best in his classes but certainly not the worst. Since he had Wushu on his side, the chance of him becoming famous was pretty good, at least that was what he thought. The schedule was so busy that he forgot for a while that he was lonely and allowed nightly conversations with his family back in China soothe his need for companionship.

Then one day, in the hallway, he saw them. It was the Chinese trainees, all three of them, walking together. The one on the left he knew the name of but only because this guy called Sehun from his vocals class wouldn’t stop talking about how _amazing_ the Chinese trainee _Luhan_ was (honestly, from the way Sehun talked about him, you’d think this Luhan was the descendant of a god or something!). In reality, this guy wasn’t _all_ that. Sure, he was good looking and that much Zitao has to give him. But this Luhan also looked like a young girl and didn’t possess enough masculinity in his fragile looking features to really impress Zitao. Because of dad’s influences, Zitao looked up to men who were tough and often turned his nose at the ‘girly’ type of guy celebrities.

Anyway, Luhan had his arm around the waist of the Chinese trainee in the middle. That one wasn’t very handsome, nor did he look particularly intelligent. Zitao was willing to bet ten thousand won that Dimples won’t be getting his contract renewed this year.

The guy on the right was the one that Zitao _really_ looked at. Not going to lie, that one was super handsome and tall. If Zitao was a thirsty fan girl, this would be the idol he screamed for.

…Okay, maybe he shouldn’t have imagined himself as a fan girl just now. Too weird.

Zitao watched as the three chatted among themselves, laughing and smiling abundantly to show their closeness. The one called Luhan carried a cup of bubble tea with a single purple straw. He took a sip himself before passing it to the other two. The one in the middle took a tiny taste test sip first, then sucked down a gulp of the sweet liquid in approval before passing the bubble tea to the right. Zitao partially expected the cool looking guy to push the tea with its slightly chewed straw right back at him but that did not happen. The three of them passed by him, sharing their drink in what felt like a closed established bubble of happy friendship.

  _I want friends_. Zitao’s heart clenched. _I want to be friends with that guy on the right_.

With his desire for friendship renewed, Zitao practiced his most charming smile in the bathroom mirror before finally heading out one day on a hunt. The guy he decided to target was called Kim Minseok. He had a friendly looking round face and seemed to be really gentle mannered when Zitao observed his interactions with other people. Surely befriending him wouldn’t be so difficult. Minseok seemed to like affectionate younger trainees, so today, Zitao shall pretend to be Sehun.

Clearing his throat, Zitao caught up to Minseok in the hallway and tapped him from the back. “Minseok oppa!” He greeted in his most lovable – though also _slightly_ high pinched – voice.

Minseok turned around slowly and did not smile. In fact, Zitao’s greeting seemed to have somehow shocked him to the point that his face turned pale. A quick ‘hi’ was choked out before Minseok fled the hallway, leaving a confused Zitao to pick up the pieces of his shattered pride from the floor.

_Where did I go wrong?_ Zitao found himself thinking as he popped coins into the vending machine. His mood was dropping and his mind was a mess. A cool drink was exactly what he needed but as his golden luck would have it, the soda can managed to get stuck in there.

“Oh come _on_!” Zitao kicked the vending machine. It did not budge and the soda remained solidly stuck. Zitao threw up his middle finger and started enthusiastically cursing at the machine. He used both Korean and Chinese, rallying up all the nasty words he could think of as he continued banging on the piece of shit.

Eventually he exhausted himself, and that was when he heard the quiet laughter.

It was the handsome Chinese trainee from a few days before, only this time, he was alone. Zitao’s eyes brightened as he tried to think of a proper way to say hello. But somehow, his tongue felt like it was glued to the bottom of his mouth. Maybe it was because what happened with Minseok broke his confidence and he hasn’t recovered enough to risk another rejection.  Zitao remained silent as the friend of his dreams brushed past him in front of the vending machine and pushed some coins in. Zitao noticed that the guy ordered the same drink as he did and with a twist of the bar, both sodas fell.

“Here,” the guy said, picking up both sodas and handing one to Zitao. “This is yours.”

That moment was perfect. If Zitao wasn’t so _manly_ , he’d totally say it felt like a scene from some manga. With soft background music and flowers in the panel.

“Thank you…” Zitao stammered.

“You should say thank you, hyung. Not _oppa_ – _hyung_. ” The left corner of the guy’s lips lifted in playful smirk, indicating he’d saw what happened with Minseok earlier. “ _Oppa_ is for girls to boys.”

Zitao’s face was instantly flushed with embarrassment. So that was what happened. No wonder Minseok looked at him all weird like that. “I am not a girl!” Somehow those were the words he ended up spewing.

“I know,” the guy said, looking like he was ready to start laughing again. “My name is Wu Yifan.”

And from there on, they became friends. Zitao was introduced to Luhan and the middle guy, Yixing. The four of them became really close and through Luhan, Zitao even managed to get to know the others. Minseok, too, he finally managed to properly introduce himself to. That oppa story shall remain in Zitao’s memory bank and hopefully, no one will ever learn of it. Just remembering it made him feel all tingly with embarrassment.

After a few months, Zitao became a guy with many friends. Still, Yifan was his favorite and he never failed to show it. Whenever they were out, he always tried to walk beside Yifan. He liked clinging onto Yifan’s arm, just for fun, and pestering the other to go on solo outings with him. Zitao secretly hoped he’d get to debut with Yifan in the same group and before too long, his wish was granted. The two of them became even closer, to the point where Zitao couldn’t imagine what it would be like if he didn’t have his _Duizhang_.

But now, only a few years after the prime of their friendship, they barely looked at each other. Look at them now, walking next to each other but each holding a stone expression. If this was before, Zitao would have his arm around Yifan’s and the two of them would be pressed right against each other.

_Something has to change_.

Zitao took a deep breath and stopped in his path.

 

This episode essentially locked the guests in one of the most famous malls in Shanghai. The guests had to explore the shops in hopes of finding clues that would eventually lead them to a key to unlock the front doors of the shopping centre. The game officially started at eight in the afternoon and the guests were warned by a mystery video tape they found on the first floor to get out by midnight, or something terrible was going to happen. 

The clock had announced midnight about half an hour ago and while everyone was able to find some clues, they just didn’t manage to piece it together in time. Besides, this was likely supposed to happen anyway. The director probably had some sort of special twist planned after midnight and was purposely keeping back some of the clues to delay the guests.

The guests speculated this was going to be a horror style episode just based on that midnight warning so decided to pair up. Zitao agreed because for this episode, they didn’t even have camera men following them. The mall had cameras hooked up everywhere to capture their actions but they would feel alone wandering these shops. For the sake of his mental health, Zitao decided to put himself up for partnering. They drew names for fairness’s sake in order to determine the groups. William was with Dilraba. Yixing was with Yang Mi and Luhan. Zitao was somehow lucky enough to end with Yifan and the atmosphere had been suffocating since the moment they stepped onto the sixth floor together.

Fuck this shit.

“Wu Yifan!” He called out suddenly, a little louder than he needed to considering the fact they were standing right next to each other. “Let’s talk.” He checked and there weren’t any cameras at this exact corner, this was as alone as they were going to get on this show.

Yifan turned, eyes briefly widening at the usage of his full name. His first reaction was to look up at the walls, checking their proximity for cameras because Zitao was doing a fine job at ruining the carefully maintained amicableness between them. Then again, was he really surprised? The four of them left a lot of things unsaid between them when they went their separate ways and at some point, it must come out. Of course Zitao would be the first one to crack – he’d never been good at holding in his emotions, no matter what consequences his impulsiveness may bring.

“No.” Yifan delivered the rejection with as much iciness as he could summon before pressing his lips into a thin, grim line. “Let’s not.” He couldn’t and didn’t want to risk opening this can of worm. “Now keep walking.”

Zitao should understand. And even if he didn’t, Yifan hoped that cold refusal hurt the other’s ego enough that he’d never try to converse again.

But Yifan underestimated Zitao’s resolve. 

Instead of shutting up and continuing on with the game show, Zitao grabbed Yifan by the arm and hauled him back before he could take a single step out of their safety corner. “No, we are going to talk whether you like it or not. I have some things that I need to get off of my chest and you _will_ hear me out!” Zitao’s words were angry and his grip was hard but neither of those things would have stopped Yifan from leaving. Instead, it was Zitao’s eyes, blazing with determination and growing red at the rims that made Yifan pull back the foot he stepped out with. After all, he was never good at dealing with upset kids, especially when they were on the brink of water works.

 “You have to hear me out.” Zitao shook the arm he was holding onto almost violently. “You just _have_ to.”

 

 

Bright lights, inviting signs, giant posters featuring smiling celebrities and brand new merchandises waiting patiently for their owners. This was Cloud Nine, one of the biggest shopping malls in Shanghai and featured popular brands from all over the world. Yixing had shopped here before and could not say he enjoyed the visit due to the sensory overload he experienced. The mixture of music pounding against his ears and the constant noise of chattering from those who walked by…

 He wouldn’t mind some of that noise right now, though.

 One of the clues he discovered led him to a mystery room holding a puzzle that he must solve alone. His teammates Yang Mi and Luhan waited for him outside and promised to cheer him on. Yixing was certain he’d fail since he was terrible at puzzles but it turned out okay and he successfully received a video tape. There was a television set up so Yixing popped in the tape without any hesitation. It was a audio recording featuring a girl’s hushed voice. The girl talked about being trapped in the mall and how when midnight hit, the mannequins came alive and tried to kill everyone. There was one person among those trapped who actually controlled the mannequins and the way to escape the mall was by eliminating that person. The tape ended abruptly, with the girl screaming as if she was discovered by some unknown evil.

 Needless to say, Yixing was scared half to death by the time he walked out of the room. And guess what? His teammates weren’t out there anymore.

 “They are supposed to be waiting for me,” Yixing complained into the camera beside the mystery room. “Mi _jie_ , Lu _ge_ , how could you guys just leave me?” At least they had communication tool. Everyone was given a walkie talkie at the beginning of the episode so they could check in with each other’s progress. Yixing called for his teammates first and when they didn’t respond, he asked for anyone else listening to say something. Again, nothing.

The lights flickered above his head and innocent sheep Xing entered full panic mode. He wandered about in aimless fear until he spotted the familiar figure in a shop window. He let loose a noise of delight before charging towards Luhan, who for some reasons had his back turned and wrapped both of his arms around the other. Yixing realized something was wrong when Luhan turned to face him, his movements robotic and his eyes devoid of emotions. The other three mannequins in the window moved then too, turning to him with rather savage painted smiles. These were only actresses hired for the purpose of this episode but in that moment, with the creepy background music and pure darkness, they felt every bit as dangerous as real monsters.

 “Help! Somebody help!” Yixing managed to shout before running in the opposite direction at full speed. Behind him, the mannequins chased. Mannequin Luhan was in the lead and he was a lot faster than Yixing anticipated.

In a stupid but very typical horror movie protagonist move, Yixing got himself into the elevator. He was pressing the button to go down repeatedly and hoping that the door would shut in time. His plan would have worked if it was only the three high heeled female actress mannequins chasing after him but soccer enthusiast Lu was just too fast. By the time the elevators pinged shut, Luhan was already on top of Yixing, breathing heavily from the exertion of the chase. His face remained terrifyingly expressionless for the camera but he tickled Yixing’s arm discreetly with his pinky while pushing the other into the elevator floor as reassurance.  

Meanwhile, all Yixing could think was _so close_ as he stared into Luhan's eyes.   

 

 

The first time they were this close to each other was on an evening very close to Christmas. It was their first real break since debuting but since the weather was not exactly safe for going out, the boys decided to order pizza and stay in. Everyone was full of carbs and slowly dozing off when Chanyeol announced a game was in order. He thought simply passing out would be a waste of their precious free time and to be honest, everyone agreed with him. The managers were out so the boys were feeling extra brave. The underage babies were given orange juice while the others all poured their shot glasses full. 

Chanyeol handed out pieces of paper and asked everyone to write a fun task on there. Then, one by one, the boys pulled a piece of paper out and had to perform the task written on it or take a shot. The game started out innocent enough with the tasks mostly featuring push ups or chores. Eventually, though, as tipsiness sank in, the tasks became wilder and more embarrassing in nature.

Luhan managed to pick up a task that required a second person in order to complete. It was an incredibly childish game but Luhan played it before because _stupidity_ was popular among college aged boys. Pretty much, the game required for two guys to feel up each other and whoever had to stop due to embarrassment first lost.  Considering how loudly Park Chanyeol laughed when he picked this piece of paper, Luhan dared to guess that he was the one who wrote it. “Come on, then,” said Luhan, waving at Chanyeol to join him in the middle of the circle. “Let’s do it. It’s only fair.”

“No way, I wrote the task. You have to pick someone else!” Chanyeol protested, eyes quickly scanning around the circle for a victim. “There, do it with Lay hyung.”

And so poor Yixing, who had his head comfortably rested on the most cushion-y part of Sehun’s ass and wasn’t even following this exchange, was caught by the ankle by the evil Park and dragged into the ring.

“What’s going on?” Yixing whined in Chinese, rubbing his eyes sleepily. He couldn’t handle his liquor as well as the others and though he had the least out of all who were drinking, he was already on the verge of passing out.  “I don’t want to play,” he whined as he casually made his escape attempt.

“Quick, stop him!” Chanyeol yelled and was pleased when someone heeded his order. It was Yifan, propping Yixing into a sitting position before Luhan with firm grips on the other’s shoulders. “Now everyone else, let’s take bets, who do you think would win?”

 For the most, it was an easy choice. By now, everyone knew how deceptive Luhan’s delicate features were and how playful he could get. Shots were lined up on the table and all eyes were on the three in the middle of the room. Yixing had abandoned his futile attempts of escape and found himself a comfortable place to rest against Yifan’s chest. Judging by his dopey expression, Luhan was pretty sure the other still didn’t know what the heck was going on but no longer cared enough to protest.

 “Go on, Luhan.” Chanyeol prompted impatiently on the other side, dripping chilly oil into the young ones’ orange juice to make the bet extra exciting even for them. “If Lay hyung asks you to stop or flinches away, you win.” He also betted on Luhan’s victory and was eager to see it.

 Luckily for Chanyeol, Luhan also happened to be in the mood to win. He played this game before with plenty of friends and knew the key to success was actually slowness. Most people made the mistake of going in too fast and aggressive, to the point the other person had no time to react. So, determined to not follow in those losers’ footsteps, Luhan slid his hand up Yixing’s ankle with steady gentleness. He expected Yixing to lose before he even reached knee cap because years of rooming together made him more than aware how sensitive the other was.

 Yixing, however, decided to surprise him as he made not a single noise even as Luhan’s fingers reached up his pajama pants and glided across his inner thigh.

  _What’s going on?_ Luhan raised a brow at Yixing’s unperturbed expression. He literally had his hand inches away from the place fan girls would sell their souls to get themselves on and this guy was not giving him any reaction? If Luhan had a shot or two less, maybe this is where he would have declared Yixing the winner and laughed the whole situation off. Yixing’s exhaustion probably overwhelmed his ticklishness and there was nothing shameful about losing. But the alcohol…it made him less careful. The frustrations that he had been so good at suppressing surfaced and pushed aside his patience.

 The other boys collectively _ooh_ ed when Luhan unexpectedly grabbed Yixing by the chin with his other hand and pulled the other in closer. Their gazes – blazing flame and calm water – locked and Luhan felt desire rising from the dangerous clash. Yixing’s lips, which were so close to his, looked extra inviting tonight under the dull ceiling lights. Perhaps it was due to the sting of alcohol but Yixing’s lips seemed redder and more plump than usual. And Luhan knew if he just leaned a _little_ closer, he could pull those lips between his teeth and test out their texture himself.

He wanted to. Really fucking wanted to.

And to be fair, his lust should not be faulted by anyone. People seem to forget that EXO was a group of hot blooded men in the prime of their youth. When beautiful fans screamed their names and stared at them with undiluted _thirst_ in their eyes, the idols were tempted. Like ordinary men, they wanted to rake their teeth against soft skin and bury themselves in a woman’s warmth. Their occupation ensured that they were loved and coveted, but their _innocent_ images also forbade them from harvesting from those who desired them.

As their fame grew, their freedoms became lost. The boys had to be careful because if they even brushed a female idol’s shoulder while walking by them, it might come back to haunt them as some scandalous gossip. At this point, they were desperate for physical affection and their dicks simply needed more than their own hands could give. Thinking about fucking the other group members was likely more common than people would imagine. After all, they only had each other. If a vote was taken, Luhan would guess that Kyungsoo’s name would come up as one of the top lusted. Yes, it would be due to his size. Kyungsoo’s smaller frame, pale skin and seemingly innocent owl eyes made him closer to the ideal female candidate than the rest of the members. Besides, Kyungsoo also got warm easily and therefore had a tendency to walk around in only boxer shorts when summer hit. If Kyungsoo knew how crazy it drove some of the other EXO members, maybe he would have opted to stay in his air conditioned room and not wander about so often.

Baekhyun, of course, would be the other popular choice. He was also small and had a sweet voice when he whined. He fake moaned to make fun of an actress’s horrendous acting one time and it actually got someone hard on the spot. Luhan shall not name any names but here’s a hint – fans really appreciated seeing this particular individual with Baekhyun and lovingly named them the puppy couple.

Sehun was likely featured in some people’s fantasy time before sleep too. It was a bit wrong, considering how young he was but perhaps that added to the thrill. After all, as the youngest, he must listen to his hyungs no matter what, right? Even if hyungs stepped over the line and made him unhappy, they could make him smile again the next day with a casual bribe of bubble tea, right? 

Zitao might have been popular too if he wasn’t so keen on looking grossed out every time the group members playfully humped each other. He kept on telling everyone that they looked gay and it was really disgusting but Luhan thought out of them all, Zitao was probably one of the only two people in EXO who _were_ actually in the closet. 

Who did he like?

Come now, that _must_ be obvious. Who did he stare at all the time? Who did he cling to day and night? Whose attention did he pine for the most and who broke his heart when he left without saying a word? We all know. It was puppy love – the sweetest, most innocent type of affection there was. 

Luhan was not an exception and occasionally lusted after his group members. Most of the times it was between Sehun and Minseok and never did he think of Yixing in that way until this very night. He wondered why it took so long for him to want Yixing, especially when his roommate was so cute…so obedient and so easy to get to.

_Oh._  

He remembered why. It was the look in Yixing’s eyes.

Though they were a little clouded tonight because of the alcohol, those eyes still held the same emotions. The beginning of panic was crawling in to those dark pupils due to Luhan’s rough grip but there was still more _trust_. Yixing was calm because it was Luhan grabbing and touching him. Though the other looked intimidating and he didn’t even understand the game rules, he trusted Luhan to play safe. Such pure trust was difficult to disrespect and so Luhan pushed himself off of his roommate.

“You win.” He manfully sucked down his own shot before excusing himself to the bathroom. Outside of the small, confined space, he heard his team members grumbling over their loss and downing their own drinks. When he came out, Baekhyun was singing _Primadonna Girl_ and demanding that Chanyeol got on his knees. Jongdae had made a ring out of some tissue paper, claimed it diamond and enthusiastically sang along. The party continued but Luhan did notice, out of the corner of his eyes, that some people went missing. 

Yixing was gone.

And so was Yifan.

 

 

They wrestled all the way during the elevator ride and rolled outside when the doors opened. Luhan was gaining the upper hand and close to taking Yixing out when the lights all turned on without warning. Unused to the light after being in the dark for so long, both Yixing and Luhan rubbed at their eyes in pain. Staff members appeared from the emergency exits and told Luhan the game was being paused due to an unexpected incident. Rolling off Yixing, Luhan busied himself inquiring the details of the delay. The staff members seemed distressed but ultimately decided to reveal what had happened.

Apparently, some fans were able to find out that they were filming at this mall and managed to sneak themselves in. It was a group of five girls and one was caught by one of the hidden camera crew. They’ll continue the episode once the other intruders were caught.

Luhan fell silent for a moment. While tackling Yixing earlier on the seventh floor, he did hear a click followed by a tiny flash of light in one of the nearby shop windows. He thought it was one of the show’s hidden cameras but perhaps he was wrong…

He approached the shop he heard the sound from earlier alone, keeping his footsteps as quiet as possible. Sure enough, he heard unfamiliar voices whispering behind one of the clothing racks. There were two different voices, one softer and the other richer. The girl with the sweeter voice sounded excited while the other one was concerned.

“I am so not selling this one. You don’t know how close it was – I thought William would see me for sure but he didn’t turn around. Ah, I got so lucky!”

“I don’t think we should sell any of these pictures. What if we get in trouble?”

“Don’t be such a coward. No pain, no gain and besides, everything worked out fine. I risked a lot to get these photos and why shouldn’t I use it to pay for my tuition?”

“Ugh. Let’s discuss this later. Where are the others?”

“I don’t know. Been texting them but got no replies – hey look, I got one for Yixing. You can have this one if you promise to not lecture me anymore!”

By now, Luhan was close enough to see the girls, crouched in the corner. They seemed young – high school aged most likely. Still, that did not excuse their behavior. He was livid inside but kept his smile comforting as he stepped into the girls’ line of vision. They were startled to see him initially but it didn’t take long for his gentle words to win them over. “It’s not safe for you girls to be here after hours. It’s past midnight and your parents must be worried sick.” He beckoned at the girls and after a slight hesitation, they stepped closer.

The sweeter voiced girl was the less pretty of the two and now that she recovered from her shock, was staring at him with undisguised adoration. The other girl hung her head and seemed to be feeling shameful about her behavior. “We are really sorry,” said the more mature one. “We will delete all the pictures, I promise.” A death glare was given to her oblivious friend when the other began protesting.

“Delete them? Nonsense! I bet you guys took some interesting pictures. Were there any of me?” He played curious and that made the foolish first girl’s guard drop to a complete zero.

“Yes!” She scooted over with her phone, batting her eyelashes coyly as she leaned into his side. Luhan allowed her closeness only so he could use the opportunity and snatch away her phone.

“I just want to have a look, don’t worry.” He promised, flipping through the photos. These girls were apparently hiding in the changing room. How they managed to not get discovered he’ll never know but he will have a talk with the director about this tomorrow. With a sigh, Luhan clicked shut the phone gallery. The girl, noticing that he was done, held out her hand for the phone. “What’s your rush?” A dangerous edge crept into Luhan’s eyes as his smile widened. “Is it because this is a new phone?”

The girl nodded, her blush deepening.

“That’s a pity.” With a swift movement, Luhan tossed the phone backwards. They were on the seventh floor and it was a long way down. These phones were pretty to look at but fragile as hell so there was no way it would survive.

“Y-you…” The girl’s eyes widened. “H-how could you? You can’t possibly be Luhan. Luhan is so sweet and kind, he’d never do this!” Her eyes were brimming with tears but Luhan had no sympathy to spare for her kind.

“Don't,” he said. “Call my name as if you know me.”

The other girl, who had been quiet during this entire exchange, pulled her own cell phone from her pocket. With a determined look, she smashed the phone onto the floor and ground it with her foot until it was in pieces. “I am really sorry, please don’t hate us.” She pleaded, bangs concealing her eyes.

Luhan gave a curt nod before turning around. He’ll call the security to deal with the rest of this. As he left, he heard the petulant girl yelling. She promised she’ll write blogs about his behavior and make everyone see him for who he really was so they’d hate him. Luhan carried on walking, unconcerned about her threats.

He was an idol. Everyone’s beloved deer. His kind, lovable image was carefully crafted and well maintained for the past few years. No one would believe her, no matter what she said and how true her words actually were. Her claims would get dismissed and his fans would shield his reputation.

Besides…it didn’t matter anyway. Even if people did see through his mask…even if they did finally figure out he wasn’t a nice guy…well, that might just work out fine. He was beginning to get real tired of living like this.  

 

 

In the end, they found four of the five girls. The last one was never found and it was close to morning. The director decided they’ll shoot the episode again next day and told everyone to go home and rest. On his way home, Luhan was placed in the same car as Yifan, who was holding his chest as if he was in pain.

“What’s wrong?” He asked but Yifan only shook his head. Luhan was curious but as always, knew when to stop pushing for answers.

The next day, he found out what happened: Yifan and Zitao had an argument and Zitao threw a punch that was harder than necessary. Unfortunately, he was not the only one who found out about this piece of information. The girl who was never caught by the security apparently hid in a shop near Yifan and Zitao’s argument. She managed to take a brief six second video about the conversation and upload it to the internet. The video was taken down in less than half an hour but by then, it already had over 200, 000 views. Those six seconds of Zitao swinging his fist towards Yifan could not be pulled back and soon, it was everywhere. It made news headlines and blog pages. Yifan fans and Zitao fans started a war as the shippers dissected and analyzed every second of the blurry video.

It was total mayhem.

The show was delayed once again, this time for two days. When finally they were ready to shoot again, Yifan didn’t show up. Five phone calls and an hour later, he turned up with his manager. Both of them had dark circles under their eyes and it was apparent that they weren’t able to get much sleep.

“I want out,” Yifan said as soon as he stepped on the set.

Only three episodes into this show and they were already falling apart. Yifan would be the first to quit, just like before. Such _perfect_ irony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my beautiful readers! Sorry this chapter took me forever. It is also longer though so hopefully it is worth the wait. As always, thank you guys for the wonderful comments and support! In this chapter I had a flash back within a flash back and hopefully it is not too confusing. Also there are some parts of this chapter kept vague on purpose so I can reveal the details in a later chapter. <3 See you guys in my next update. Much love, muah~


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